Dan Vs Aunt Maggie's Antiques Emporium
by Actual Pirate Sarah
Summary: When Dan loses Chris' trust, (and breaks a lot of things) he has to convince Chris he was framed in an accident with a lot of fine china. THEN he has to convince Chris to drive him across the country for revenge. Sounds kinda rough. Read and review and enjoy! I'll review you if you review me! :*
1. Chapter 1

Hey! Welcome back! You may or may not know that this is a rewrite of a deleted story, the first few chapters are pretty similar so bear with me! If this is your first time reading this, reviews are very much appreciated. Enjoy the story!

I do not own Dan Vs. (unfortunately)

Chris POV (May 27, 2011)

"Dan," Chris warned, "I swear, if you break one thing, I don't care what, you will pay for it with your own money, that's a literal promise." Why did Chris always seem to have to give Dan a disclaimer like this?

Dan snorted and growled in his signature rough voice, "Calm down, I won't break anything. Besides, shut up!" Chris sighed. His wallet felt lighter already. Maybe he can just drop his grouchy friend off on the side of the road. It's not like he wanted to be stuck in the car anyways. After a brief moment of consideration, Chris decided against it. Even though Dan was a nuisance, he was Chris' best friend. And best friends don't leave best friends stranded in the middle of nowhere. At least, not most of the time.

Elise POV

Elise glanced at Dan in the back seat from the passenger side of their small slate-blue van. He mimed a yawn and picked a piece of thread off his black "Jerk" shirt. She smiled to herself. He really was like a big kid. But with kids come chaos. The last time she and Chris took Dan to a store with them, he started a wild goose chase with Chris across the country to try and murder a crazy technology tycoon. Naturally then, Chris' warning was perfectly legitimate.

"Augh!" Dan exclaimed suddenly. "Are we there yet? We've been driving forever! This is taking too long. I could be rearranging my enemies list, and I think I have two new candidates for number one" Dan glared at them as his voice took to the whiney high pitch he adopts every so often and then dropped to a more sinister tone at "I think I have two new candidates for number one." Elise rolled her eyes. The "drop Dan off and run" idea was looking pretty tempting right about now. Crazy how that plan comes up every so often in her conversations with her husband. Elise sighed.

"Dan, we've been driving for-" she checked the digital clock on the dashboard.

"-three and a half minutes. We'll be there in a minute or two." The one thing about Dan, he really made her feel like a mother. A disgruntled whine erupted from the back seat.

"Chriiissss, Elise said we'd be there in a minute or two. She's lying, isn't she?" His voice lowered as he scowled, "Tell your wife to stop lying and tell me the truth! How long will it be?" In an exasperated chorus, Chris and Elise both sighed, saying, "A couple minutes!"

Dan situated himself stiffly in his seat, crossing his arms. "Yeah, right."

**-a couple minutes later-**

Chris POV

The little car rolled up to Aunt Maggie's Antiques Emporium a couple minutes later.

"Ack, hey guys, that took three minutes, I counted!" Dan cried.

"Dan!" Chris and Elise scolded at the same time. Chris took over. "We just need to run in to sell my great-great grandfather's luck silver _arrowhead_." Chris looked at the pounded-flat coin in his hand. Man, he's been through hell trying to retrieve that thing. Uhg, the memories. He and his beautiful wife got out of the car and began walking towards the large, pale pink building. Meanwhile, Dan made a show of dragging himself reluctantly out of the car. He jogged to catch up with them. _Oh Dan,_ Chris thought. _Don't mess this up._

Dan POV

_Poor Mr. Mumbles_, Dan thought to himself. _All alone and probably bored._ Dan sighed, thinking about his favorite little kitty. He glared at the old, run-down building. Oh, the things he does for Chris.

"So, you just need to run in, right?" Dan growled.

"Yeah, Dan. We'll make this as fast as possible. I need to get home. Elise just bought a cake, and…" He grinned, not even attempting to finish the sentence. Chris' love of food takes advantage of him again.

"Yeah, uh-I'll just let you guys go." Dan decided. They were at the door by then. Chris and Elise walked to the counter, while Dan browsed the store. Maybe he'll find some olde-time explosives or something in this pasty pink dump.

He had been walking long enough, when he spotted a sign further off. In read "Fine China"

"Huh." Dan said out loud "Both fine things and China are on my list. Might as well kill two birds with one stone." He hurried to the aisle. When he got there, he was a little taken aback.

"What? This isn't information on China; this is just a bunch of dishes!" An acne-stricken teenage employee brushing up dust heard his cries.

"Uh, excuse me, sir. What exactly were you expecting?" He sounded like a poor college kid. Typical. Maybe he can make himself useful and grab Dan a burger. _Haha, I'm such a riot_! Dan thought. Then he remembered the kid had asked him a question. And then Dan remembered he was peeved he couldn't destroy china with dishes. He turned to the pathetic youth.

"Umm, vital information on China, what do you think?" Geeze, people these days. Dan brushed the kid off and continued walking down the aisle.

"What to do, what to do…" Dan lumbered around the aisle, ignoring the kid who was standing behind Dan. Once he got far enough from the employee, he came to a rather ornate plate, or Chine, or whatever. His hand twitched. He was tempted…but no. He promised Chris he wouldn't do it. Plus he didn't have any money. He collected himself, and walked away. What he didn't see was the college student, watching him.

Poor College Employee POV

Andy Williams was desperate. He had lost his job earlier. Just minutes ago, he was fired by Aunt Maggie herself. Aunt Maggie, Andy's idol, had fired him. He didn't want to hurt the sweet old lady, but he swore his revenge. When he saw this short, grumpy man, he realized that this man could restore his job. Acne Andy, as his classmates called him, would do anything-_anything_-he could to get this job back. If this man's reputation was to be ruined in the process, well it would be worth it. He watched as the angry midget's hand reached towards the delicate bowl. The guy stopped himself, though. Surprising, considering he seems to act on impulse. No matter, Andy will make this happen himself. Seconds after the self proclaimed "jerk" walked off, Andy did an "ultra graceful" ninja somersault into the next aisle, on the other side from the man of a case holding incredibly expensive dishes. Then, without pause, he shoved over the case holding. The small man yelped, and backed away quickly, so he wasn't crushed under the near priceless shelf. The case fell to the ground with a sickening crash. Both men knew there was nothing that could have survived that. The angry man locked eyes with Andy. Andy smiled slyly at him and plastered on a shocked, and innocent face while Aunt Maggie and other customers walked over. One of the customers in the gathering mob was a rather awkward-looking man, wearing socks with sandals and staring at the small guy Andy had framed. Aunt Maggie then pulled Andy aside.

"Andy, whatever happened?" She asked, in shock.

"Oh, Aunt Maggie, I am so sorry! This man, this monster, carelessly shoved over your prized antiques! I tried to stop him, but he bit me. I didn't give up though! He started shoving over other cases, but I was able to save them." Andy was lying through his teeth, but he didn't care. Aunt Maggie was staring at him with admiration.

"Oh honey!" She wailed. "How heroic! Please, accept my offer and I will give you your job back!"

Andy smiled. "Of course I will"

Chris POV

Chris couldn't believe it. And after Dan gave him his word. Dan had destroyed tons of fine china.

"Dan!" he yelled. "I can't believe you! You gave me your word and you went back on it! You're lucky my arrowhead was worth enough that I'll pay for _your _damage. But, this is the last time I trust or respect you. Now find your own way home." With that, he payed for the items and left, leaving Dan dumbstruck in the store.

Dan POV

"What?" Dan yelled after his best friend. "No, wait, I didn't do it! No! You're my ride home!" His yelling didn't do anything. Chris and Elise were out of the parking lot.

He had lost his ride!

Oh yeah, and his friend.

Despite Dan's passiveness, a sick feeling grew in the pit of his stomach, filling him with rage. He noticed the employee who tricked him standing nearby.

"You…" Dan murmured, walking close to Andy. "You framed me! That's it, you're on the list!"

Just then, some old lady said, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Dan snorted. What's she gonna do? She probably lives on cookies and lemonade. Besides, Dan has some revenge promising to do. Then, two rather large men stepped forward and seized Dan by the arms, dragging him outside. Rather than just letting him down, they tossed him five feet away.

"Ow, was that really necessary?" Dan moaned, rubbing his head. Filled with vengeance, He stumbled to his feet and roared,

"AUNT MAGGIE'S ANTIQUES EMPORIUM!"

**Thanks everyone, hope you enjoyed! I'm gonna have a lot of fun with this story, so stay tuned, Chapter two should be out shortly **** Remember to review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Told you it would be shortly. Anyways, I'm going to keep on a-working if you guys start reviewing so remember! Whether you enjoy this or not, please review! I'd love to hear your input!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dan Vs.

Dan POV

Dan grumbled as he paced back and forth across his living room floor. The Adventures of Population Control Johnny blared from his run down TV, but he wasn't paying any attention. He whipped out his enemies list, glaring at "Aunt Maggie's Antiques Emporium" scrawled on the first page, underlined and circled. Since that day at the store, Chris has refused to answer his phone or his door. And even worse, he wouldn't take Dan anywhere, or help him with any plans of vengeance. That stupid little trinkets shop has cost him three weeks, and counting, of days he could be exacting revenge on his everyday problems. So far, he had to push back revenge on sideburns, Picasso and Smokey the Bear (it's best not to ask.) He growled and turned to the far wall. A picture of Aunt Maggie from some knitting magazine Dan had stolen hung on his wall, covered in darts. Dan knew she'll get hers, and she'll pay with her antiques store. If only he could get a ride…

Dan growled again, ripping the photo off the wall. He balled it up and chucked it through his broken window. This plan was going to be harder than he thought.

Chris POV

Pet Butlers on TV, a large bowl of popcorn, and no Dan. Also, did he mention no Dan? Yep, this is the life.

"Hi honey!" Elise called, as she entered the house. "How are you?"

Chris smiled. "I'm great!" he laughed. "And you?" Geez, he could hardly keep his giddiness contained. Elise looked at him, amused.

"I don't know," she answered. "Do you know where Dan is?"

"Nope." Chris said promptly. "Haven't seen him in three days. I think he finally understands that I'm not going to help him anymore!" He grinned.

Elise smiled with him too, but a troubled look grew on her face. "Chris," she asked. "do you think Dan was serious, when he said it wasn't him that knocked over the display?"

Now that Chris thought about it, it seemed Dan really wasn't kidding. But then, who would have done it? Oh, well. It didn't matter to Chris anymore. Dan was out of his hair, and he was content.

"Don't worry, Elise." Chris said. "That Aunt Maggie said it was Dan, so it was Dan. Now come here, there's this adorable little frog butler!"

Dan POV

Map? Check. Flashlight? Check. Rope, sledgehammer, black outfit? Check, check, and check. Ride? Nope. His car had broken down, and he couldn't afford to take it in to be fixed. Dan packed a large backpack with his supplies and shouldered it. Whoa! He teetered to the side. It was a bit heaver than he'd thought. _Alright, Dan._He thought to himself _Let's go get a ride. __He figured he'd hitch a ride to the antiques store, it was only so far away, after all. Dan_ walked outside into the warm California air. IT bothered him severely The sun hit directly in his eyes, and he ran into a billboard post. Even worse. He glanced up at the large sign as he took out his enemies list. He stopped short The billboard was a sick pink colour, and the text was a dumb girly cursive font. Dan made out the words slowly, and dropped to his knees. The sign read, "Aunt Maggie's Antiques Emporium. Now moving to Nashville, Tennessee. Come visit us!" Dan's mouth fell open and he dropped his list into a puddle.

"AUNT MAGGIE'S ANTIQUES EMPORIUM'S NEW LOCATION IN TENNESEEEEE!"

**So, how do you like it? It's a bit short, I know, but the next chapter should be up soon. Please review!**

**If you like this, please please check out my Fictionpress account, I got a lot of cool stuff going on over there! Just go to and search "Living Comfort Eagle" (My favorite story of mine, I'd love a review or two) Thanks guys!**


	3. Chapter 3

Dan POV

Nashville, the old bat has moved to Nashville. She knew he was going to seek his revenge, didn't she? She probably did. That dumb kid too. Uhg, why can't things just work out for him all the time? Like would be so much easier. He's gonna need a ride from Chris. Dan groaned. Now he had to beg. Dan hates begging. He set off, walking to Chris' place, scowling the whole time.

Dan arrived at Chris's obnoxious yellow house. The traitor himself was watering his dumb tomato plant in the window, perfectly happy. How dare he? How dare he enjoy himself while Dan was framed for a crime he didn't commit! How dare he water tomato plants when tomatoes were totally gross! How dare he… _geez, _Dan thought _tomatoes are totally gross. _Dan made a mental note to add the stupid fruit/vegetable to his enemies list. _Snap out of it Dan! _Dan refocused on Chris, getting angrier by the second. How dare Chris not support his best friend!? Crouching in the shrubs under the window, Dan growled until Chris noticed him.

"Dan, why are you wearing that ski mask? What are you doing? Is this about some dumb plan of yours? You heard me in the store, Dan! Dan! I will not help you with anything anymore!" None of Chris' outbursts deserved a response, Dan decided. What Chris needed to do was offer Dan a ride. Couldn't he tell there was work to do?

Dan rolled his eyes. Either way, was Chris still doing this? This whole "friend-strike" thing was getting on his nerves. He had hoped this was going to be easy. It clearly wasn't. Dan sighed, he had to talk him into it. Luckily, Dan was a certified smooth-talker.

"C'mon, Chris! I need a ride! You don't have to help me with anything but that, honest!" Dan pleaded. Chris seemed to ponder this for a moment, then slammed the shutters closed. Dan groaned and made his way to the other window, where he could see Elise reading through the glass. Dan screamed for her, but she didn't seem to notice. Man, was this bullet-proof glass? Nah, it's not like either of them have a dangerous job or something. Dan pounded on the window long enough until he caught her attention. Once she looked up, Dan breathed on the window and wrote a message:

"GET CRIS" Elise cocked her head, reading the message. She raised one eyebrow. Dan stared at the rapidly disappearing words. Oh. He wiped them off and wrote something else;

"I MEAN UR HUSBAND" Elise rolled her eyes and, to Dan's surprise, seemed to call to Chris. A few seconds later, the front door opened.

"Dan, you have a minute to convince me."

"I need you to gimme a ride." Dan explained quickly. Chris laughed without humor. This was gonna be hard. Dan decided he'd have to bring out the big guns

"Chris, if you drive me, I'll buy you any fast food you want on the way." Dan knew it was gonna work.

"Fine. Where do you need a ride to? That antique store five minutes away?"

"Actually yeah! About that," Dan began "they sort of moved to Tennessee. I really need you to drive me." Dan gave Chris his nicest smile, which sort of looked like a grimace. Chris shifted uncomfortably.

"Lucky for you," he said "Elise is going on a business trip tomorrow. I can drive you, but only if it takes a few days." He sighed "Why do you want to get back at that antiques emporium anyway?"

"I told you already, it wasn't me who knocked over that display!" Dan nearly yelled at Chris.

Chris muttered, "Whatever you say, so long as I get food." Dan felt a sort of pride growing in his belly. Man, he was _so _good at smooth talking.  
"See ya tomorrow!" He called. Chris waved back, rolling his eyes.

Chris POV

The next day, Chris saw Elise off on her trip, wherever it was to. He walked outside his house, looking around for Dan. Where could he be? Suddenly, he saw a mop of messy black hair poking out of the passenger side of Chris' car.

How. The. Hell. Did. He. Get. In. There.

Dan noticed Chris staring and offered a huge smile, waving. Chris sighed and lumbered to his car. This was gonna be such a long drive.

"Hey Dan." Chris said, not bothering asking how Dan opened his previously locked car.

"Chris! My great friend! Thank you so much for your generous offer to give me a ride!"

"What are you talking about, Dan?"

"Yeaahhh," Dan said quietly, "I kinda sorta forgot my money, so you'll have to pay for the food." Dang it, Dan. Chris let his head drop on the steering wheel, not caring that the horn was blaring. After a few moments of consideration, Chris sat back up and started the car.

"Let's get this over with."

Hours passed, monotonous driving with hardly any conversation. In those hours, Chris began to wonder if Dan was right about being innocent. He actually had seemed pretty adamant. Could it actually have been somebody else who knocked over the case? Wait, what is Dan planning for revenge? Knowing Dan, it would not be pretty. Chris refocused himself and kept his eyes on the road. After a few more minutes of driving, curiosity gave in.

"Hey Dan, how exactly are you going to get revenge on this place?" Dan, who was already sound asleep, woke with a start and answered Chris unkindly,

"You know what's in that backpack of mine?" He asked pointing to the large, red backpack in the back seat.

"No, what?" Chris was a bit reluctant to learn the answer.

"Ya know what? I'll let you figure that out." Dan curled back up in the passenger's seat and was snoring in minutes. Chris nervously kept driving. He hoped it wasn't explosives again. He glanced at his sleeping, so-called "friend," who chuckled in his sleep. Whatever Dan had planned, it was definitely going to be interesting.

**AN: Yay! Another chapter down! Hope you guys enjoyed! Please please review, I really want to know you guy's thoughts. I'm kinda writing this on the fly, so I can also take suggestions into consideration! Thanks!**


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